And I think to myself...

Tuesday November 4, 2008 at 3:43pm videos, funny, video games Comments (1) »

I couldn't not post this...



Comic of the Week

Wednesday July 16, 2008 at 5:29pm comics, funny Comments (0) »

So Very True

Wednesday June 11, 2008 at 10:42am funny Comments (0) »

Also, I'm behind on my normal blogging / photo-posting / etc. I'll get to some of that soonish. Probably.


This Just In

Thursday May 29, 2008 at 11:57pm ally, funny Comments (0) »

From the weekend, courtesy of the Llama & his mad video-making skillz: Ally vs. RC Mouse



And they couldn't even see her...

Thursday October 11, 2007 at 5:32pm funny Comments (5) »

Sheri needs a blog. Really. But since she doesn't have one, i'm going to write this one up.

We just got a phone call, which she answered. It went something like this.

Sheri: Hello?

Woman: Ms Shoemaker?

Sheri: Yes?

Woman: I'm [name] from the Johnson City Police Lodge. How are you today?

Sheri: ...I'm fine...

Woman: Well good... Are your parents home?

Sheri: ...uhm I'm sorry, no they're not...

Woman: Oh, ok. Thanks. Bye. [hangs up]

Now, at this point, sheri starts laughing hysterically.

So she wants to know: is she evil?


Does Syrup Have A Shelf Life?

Tuesday August 21, 2007 at 8:08pm food, funny Comments (0) »

Sheri fixed some pancakes and bacon for us to eat this evening. Quite tasty, in fact.

I did notice, however, (after eating said pancakes) something curious written on the plastic near the top of the bottle:

"Best Before
APR29 05"

Oh dear.

I'm sorry Auntie Jemima - we didn't get your 'best'...

EDIT: yeah, i didn't mention that that bottle of syrup wasn't even opened until tonight...


Celebrity Irony

Saturday May 5, 2007 at 11:36pm funny, irony, rolling eyes Comments (0) »

I've seen all sorts of amusing things at stores lately...

We were at the grocery today. You know how there are always about 13 million tabloids / celebrity gossip publications there? Today I saw one with a headline that read "Can they stop the rumors?"

Well, not if you keep printing them.


Wondrous Item: Blue Topaz

Friday May 4, 2007 at 4:06pm gaming, funny Comments (0) »

We were out earlier today, running some errands, etc. We had gone into walmart to pick up a couple of random things.

At the jewelry counter, I saw a cardstock sign detailing the birthstones for the 12 months. Signs like this are fairly common at jewelry counters and generally are cheesy or uninteresting (usually both), but I was waiting on Sheri and there wasn't much else interesting in the area either.

It was then that I happened to read the entry for December (mine & sheri's birth month). According to this particular sign, ("According to Legend") the Blue Topaz has the following abilities:

- Dispels enchantments
- Increases the wearer's strength
- Makes wearer invisible in times of emergency
- Changes color in the presence of poisoned food or drink

It actually reads like an entry from the Dungeon Master's Guide - and a pretty cool one at that. I also noted that none of the other months were anything like that - apart from November (i think), which was said to protect against snake bites.


Order Up?

Monday April 9, 2007 at 2:49pm funny, spam Comments (2) »

If ever there was any reason to take an occassional glance through my junk mail folder, this is it.

I recently received a spam email message - as follows:

Dear Restaurant Owner,

I'm contacting you once again because I saw your business, Penguin Sushi, on your website at Our company, Merchant Advance, has recently improved our funding ability for U.S. based restaurants, providing as much as $500,000 or more in unsecured working capital for expansion, new locations, advertising, renovation, new equipment, or any other need...

...wouldn't you feel more secure knowing your restaurant has access to $25-$50,000 or more with only a few days notice? Let's make 2007 the year for Penguin Sushi!

So appparently some minimally-researching spammer took a look at my domain (but not the site as it clamed) and from it has derived that I run a sushi bar somewhere in the US - and he wants to loan me money to promote it. Fantastic.

Just to be clear, I would like to cite my original statement on the matter: No, I do NOT make sushi out of penguins, nor do I advise anyone else to do so.

So I'm betting next I'll be hearing from the Board of Health and/or several illicit penguin suppliers.


Historic Site: Post-it Yoshi's Remains.

Friday March 23, 2007 at 1:13pm funny, friends Comments (3) »

Well, this was somewhat unforseen.

Seems our house (specifically, our livingroom) has become a tourist site.

Tony stopped by a little while ago on his way out of town - with two friends of his from canada. Allow me to go on a brief tangent to say that Scott and Dave drove 14 hours out of their way just to come get Tony here in TN before heading to IN.

They all came in and we talked for a bit - 'hi, nice to meet you, isn't llama odd?', etc - but then they wanted to go into the living room to see the wall where the monumentous Post-it Yoshi (which they had seen photographs of) once stood. They stared in awe at the empty space - imagining what it must have been like. They were further moved by the artifact remains of the Yoshi itself, carefully preserved on a shelf near the site.

Now all I need is one of those gray 'historic site' markers that are all over the place here.

With a few misspellings on it - just to follow suit.


Weekend Frenzy

Monday December 18, 2006 at 11:06am friends, choir, work, funny, birthdays, holidays, long freakin post Comments (0) »

This is going to be a long one.

I'm tired.

I'm not entirely sure why, since I slept in a bit this morning, but I'm still tired.

My only theory about why I don't seem to have any energy today is the amount of running around we did this weekend.

On friday I had work as usual, then we went into town to finish up our christmas shopping.

After that, Sheri needed to go to Erwin for what was supposed to be a practice for the kid's program that was to be put on sunday night. Unfortunately, only 2 of the kids showed up so there wasn't much point to it. Keep in mind, there'd only been one other practice for this thing the previous wednesday.

On the plus side, Sam & Erin were there and I personally had a great time getting to talk to them.

After we had returned home, my sister arrived. She was on her way to IN for Christmas break and didn't want to make the whole trip in one day.

The next day we had a rehearsal for the choir cantata that was to go on on sunday morning. It went pretty well.

After returning from that, we went out to lunch with Jese before she left to continue to IN.

We then went to the JC Chorale's Christmas concert. Sheri was sad that she didn't get to sing in it, but she enjoyed watching and talking to some of the Chorale members. They miss her. I got to talk to Rucht a bit about gaming and other assorted things. I also ran into Sue and we talked about the website i'm doing for Watauga a bit.

After that, we went to the Crazy Tomato for our 'company christmas dinner' with KW (boss-man), Addie (coworker, boss-man's wife), Brandon (coworker) & Randy (brandon's wife). We talked about how we did this year and what we're looking to accomplish next year. Pretty much all good news. Brandon & I also got spiffy old navy fleece pull-overs with our company logo. Sheri and Randy each got throw blankets (because Addie didn't think it was fair that the boys got stuff but the girls didn't). Brandon and Randy gave us a cool cinnamon candle and a penguin ornament. I felt like kind of a bum - since we didn't even think about christmas presents. I wasn't expecting anything and we were so busy that I didn't have time to wonder. I'll remember for next year though.

Another thing I wasn't expecting was the bonus that Brandon & I got. I'm planning on putting mine toward a new electric guitar - something I've been wanting to get for a while now.

Sunday morning we had the cantata - which went very well, the choir did great. After church we helped the Rosolina's a little as they set up the set for the children's program that night. Then we went home for the afternoon (something we usually don't do).

We had a relaxing afternoon and then returned to Erwin to practice the children's program one more time. Around 6:45 people started arriving and the program went on at 7. It went pretty well, all things considered. After that we had our resident santa come and give out little gift bags to all the kids - and to the staff. Seeing Dr. Gwaltney sit on Santa's lap was hilarious. After all the festivities we disassembled the set and put the stage back the way it normally is.

Probably the most memorable part of the entire evening was Katie's little mishap with the baby jesus. See, I think the church has had the small, hollow, plastic-formed baby jesus for about 30 years. It was so old, the paint had worn off of most of it so it was mostly just white. And it was ugly. Really ugly. It actually closely resembled a prairie dog - especially the way Erin had placed him in the manger - sticking straight up.

So anyway - Sam, Katie and I were standing in the choir room. Katie was holding the plastic baby jesus saying she should hide it so that they'd have to use something else next year. In fact, she said, if that was her kid, he'd better be the son of god, because that's all he's got going for him. She must have been squeezing a bit too tight as she gestured because at about the time she finished this statement, the baby jesus EXPLODED. It didn't just crumble and fall apart mind you - there was an audible *pop* as little pieces of christ flew out about 5 feet in every direction. Katie's half-terrified / half-amused expression was priceless. Sam stared at her wide-eyed and gasped "You broke baby Jesus!". I simply laughed uncontrollably.

After we finished cleaning up, we departed. Sheri and I then went to Cheddars where we met Ginger, Tony and Justin for dinner somewhat in honor of my birthday (which is actually today. happy birthday to me). We enjoyed some good food and amusing conversation even as my energy level decreased rapidly.

After dinner, we returned to the Igloo where I got to open some birthday presents. They also got me an ice-cream cake that I was way to full to eat any of. I think I'll have some today though.

After that, we had our own little christmas party as everyone is leaving the state sometime this week. It was fun.

I ended up with a few cute, new additions to my penguin army, a ps game that looks like fun and a 10 inch figure of Marvin, the manically-depressed robot from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the galaxy.

I may well have left some parts out of this crazy weekend, but that's what I remember off the top of my head.


Acoustic Toaster

Wednesday August 16, 2006 at 2:54pm friends, music, funny Comments (0) »

Sam & I had lunch at Shlotzky's today, and then went over to the Acoustic Coffeehouse to play some guitar out on their patio and pen in a date for us to play there.

Upon returning to Shlotzky's that we might go our own ways (we carpooled to the AC), we saw the following in the parking lot:

A silver Honda Element - quite possibly the square-est car ever designed - with a bumper sticker that read: 'You just got passed by a toaster'.


Hello, I can't help you.

Thursday July 20, 2006 at 3:54pm random encounters, funny Comments (0) »

So I just got a call from Nelnet, the company through which i have my student loans. They were calling to inform me that my loans were currently using a variable interest rate and they asked if i would be interested in consolidating them and fixing it. I said sure, figuring i'd listen to what he had to say and wait till the bottom line. During the course of the conversation however, it came to light that my loans were not of a sufficient dollar amount for them to offer me this particular deal.

Essentially, the guy called me to say "We've got this consolidation thing, but you can't have it."



Some things

Saturday May 20, 2006 at 10:02pm irony, food, funny, swimming, computers Comments (2) »

1. Texas Roadhouse's menu is funny. It's rather unimaginative slogan is "if it doesn't say Texas, it's not Texas Roadhouse". (duh). On the back of the same menu, it says "Texas Roadhouse was started in Clarksville Indiana..." Irony? What irony?

2) Last night, llama was fully prepared to sacrifice the world to eat his bread.

3) Milligan's pool is pretty nice. Too bad i never swam there when i was a student.

4) I now have a glowing blue keyboard to go with my glowing red trackball and my glowing green tower.

I'm sure there were some other things i was going to put up here. If i think of any i'll add them. If any of you think of any, feel free to add them as well.


Songwriter's Block

Friday January 20, 2006 at 12:39am music, funny Comments (0) »

And no, i'm not talking about wanting to write a song and not being able to think of anything.

I'm talking about being able to remember a song that i've written.

Sam & I played some of my stuff at a little coffeehouse this evening and, for the second time he was able to tell me how my own song went better than I could.

So i'm trying to figure this out: how come i always forget my songs when i go to play them? I'm pretty sure it's not nerves, because i wasn't nervous. I'm pretty sure i'm not old enough to be senile. I'm pretty sure i haven't put any of my songs in a pensive. So what then?

And why isn't turnabout fair play? I played with him on a couple of his songs, and there's at least 3 chords in one of them that i still don't know.


but blt's taste so darn good

Sunday October 16, 2005 at 9:51pm friends, gaming, funny, food Comments (5) »

well, we did it. not much too soon either. the mystery puzzle has been finished (save for the two missing pieces) and solved. heh. it was great fun. if you've never worked on a puzzle that you don't know what it looks like with at least 3 other people, i highly recommend it. Pictures of it are posted here.

saturday was a bit more chaotic. i really wanted to game, but sheri had a concert that night, and llama had to work during the day. plus eric and cory were out of town. so, no game. alas.

anyway, ginger and i met tony at dice. he was playing a very long game of killer bunnies. while we waited for him, we decided to walk down to quiznos to get some dinner. (she had been saying 'feed the penguin').

this is where i discovered something, for the second time: apparently bacon, lettuce and tomato are no longer an acceptable combination of sandwich items in and of themselves. Allow me to briefly flashback.

I have always been a fan of blt's. I have ordered them at lots of different sandwich places and, until recently, never had the slightest problem. A month or two ago, sheri and i went to subway in erwin. There, i had a conversation with the employee on duty:

me: "hi, i'd like a foot-long blt sub"
guy (a bit rude): "we don't have blt's, only bmt's."
me: "you mean to tell me you, in fact, have bacon, lettuce and tomato, but you can't put them all together on a sandwhich for me? I don't really care how you charge me for it, i just like blts."

...somewhat reluctantly, he relented and made me a rather mediocre blt. having never encountered this before, and fully aware that i was in a sort of back-woods TN town, i figured it was an isolated incident - which it was... ...until last night, when ginger and i went to quiznos.

that encounter went something like this:

me: "yeah, i'd like a regular blt sub"
guy: "well...we don't really have that on the menu..."
me: "well, how about this? make me a 'classic club' and hold the turkey, ham and cheddar."
guy: "uhm..."
me: "it's...pretty much the same thing, man"
guy: "oh, ok".

this guy was much nicer than the first guy, but, nevertheless, it seems that sandwich shops no longer acknowledge the existence of my sandwich of choice. LISTEN TO ME! CLAIMING IT DOESN'T EXIST WON'T MAKE THE BACON-LETTUCE-TOMATOY GOODNESS GO AWAY! LONG LIVE THE KING OF ALL SANDWICHES!!!


after that, we came back and played some carcassonne (all your base are belong to meee!!!) and ticket to ride.

today, we had the berea college chamber singers at church this morning - they're really good. Sam's sister Erin is one of the members. It should be noted that results the imfamous Rachel vs. Erin debates are as yet undeclared, but I decided i liked the name 'Erin' better, and, as a matter of fact, she told me she shared that opinion.

in other news, sheri and i just finished watching cinderella and the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. it was an odd combination, but hey... are we?

so long, and thanks for all the fish


a night of relative insanity

Saturday July 16, 2005 at 10:39am books, geekdom, funny, long freakin post Comments (0) »

Well, last night was certainly...interesting

Here was the evening, as it happened:

Being that it was an off-week for gaming, sheri and i had no real plans for yesterday evening. It also just so happened that this morning at midnight was when Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince was supposed to be released and sheri had reserved a copy at Barnes & Noble a few months earlier. In light of these two coincidental facts, we decided to do pretty much everything we could.

First, we went to walmart because sheri needed to get a perscription before the pharmacy closed. we were in there for a while getting a few other things she wanted, but we tried to hurry. walmart is not all that much fun. I did notice that walmart has started carrying mp3 players like ipods and creative zen's. I have decided this is cool. I want one.

Anyway, by the time we were finished there and got to the entrance we noticed something we had failed to account for: it was raining. hard. i don't mean this sprinkling stuff it tends to do in TN, i mean it was raining. We decided to make a dash for it rather than waiting around for it to stop like the 73 other people standing there. Being that we were parked in tim-buck-seven, we were COMPLETELY drenched by the time we got to the car. There was about an inch of standing water in the sloped parking lot. Once in the car, sheri was trying very hard to be mad at the fact that her shoes were now soaking wet, but couldn't managed to look at me (and the water dripping from my forehead and down my nose) without laughing. I, personally, thought the whole thing was hilarious.

From there we drove over to Dice, our favorite game store. Dice has been having a sale in july with everything (except some ultra-new stuff) being 25% off. We had decided that it had been a while since we'd got a game and, since our anniversary is coming up (hard to believe), we thought it would be ok to use that as an excuse to spend some money on some games. As everyone knows, the First Anniversary is the Board Game Anniversary. We ended up getting the next expansion for Carcassonne and also decided to get another game we had actually played there before: Ticket to Ride (Europe). We also talked to Charlotte (one of the store managers) for a little while...she recognizes us as 'regulars'.

From there, we went to get haircuts. This had the combined advantages of making our very wet and now unruly hair look nicer before going out to eat, and actually getting our hair cut, as we both needed it at least a little. We were the absolute last people there and, as they cut our hair, both of the ladies were remarking to us and to each other about how long and arduous the day had been and how hungry they were. At one point, the lady cutting my hair actually apologized, and told me she had to stop for a second to go get a cracker because she was starving - which she did. This struck me as hilarious.

Once our hair was reasonably shortened and we wished the ladies good luck recovering from their day, we proceeded to Cracker Barrel. We specifically chose to go to Cracker Barrel because we had some gift certificates for it. We had a nice dinner that didn't cost us anything...and, when we were done, there was 11 cents left on the gift card.

We made our way from there, at last, to Barnes & Noble and the release party. Given how horribly small the b&n parking lot is, and how crowded it is EVERY friday, i was only marginally surprised when there was absolutely NO PLACE to park anywhere in that plaza. We ended up parking at another little plaza that was across the street and a bridge from the destination. It was a nice evening though. We actually met, by coincidence, another woman heading to the same place but coming from a slighly different direction. As we all cut through the grass on a median and proceeded through the parking lot, a small white car pulled into an empty parking place right in front of us. "Figures" said the the woman in a somewhat amused yet slightly exasperated voice. We had a brief chat about how it was a nice evening and how there was NO EARTHLY WAY that that parking space would have been there if either of us had been driving by.

The book store was, as was expected, completely packed to the gills (i didn't exactly know book stores had gills - nor a reason to breath underwater, but it's just an expression anyway). It was kind of amusing/annoying in that there were so many fans of the books (on a level that seems obsessive) in such a relatively small place. I.e., people in costumes, carrying wands, talking about 'muggles', etc. There were some games that were going on for the young kids - things about being sorted or catching Sirius Black or some such. Most of the people i saw there, however, were adults or kids at least high school age. I took up my standard place in the d&d aisle and started leafing through a book or two that i haven't wanted to spend the money to buy. I was amused to hear at least 3 people comment, as they walked by, about how 'dorky' things like LOTR, D&D and/or fantasy and science fiction in general were - as they were dressed in full costume. It totally blows my mind how someone could like Harry Potter that much, and yet so strongly dislike things that, in my mind (as i like all of them), are so similar. This further confirms my belief that a good deal of HP is fad based, and a good deal of the dislike for d&d, science fiction and fantasy is based on the similar idea of what is 'cool' or 'uncool'. That, and the fact that i think everyone i heard say that was junior high or high school aged.

While we were there we saw someone we knew from church (she was in line as number #176 - we were #226) and justin (who was #349).

I started reading the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy while i waited for it to be midnight, and then for the first 225 people to go through. Surprisingly, it only took about 40 minutes for us to get checked out.

Having accomplished everything we set out to do, we headed home with our new stuff and some interesting memories.


the answer

Sunday June 19, 2005 at 1:32pm funny, holidays Comments (2) »

i have found it. the answer i've been wondering about for so long.

my friends, it is one thing to listen to christmas music.

it is another thing to listen to bad christmas music.

it is another thing to listen to cheesy bad christmas music.

it is another thing to listen to cheesy bad christmas music with "drama".

it is another thing to listen to cheesy bad christmas music with drama IN JUNE!!!

that's when i realized it: the answer. the sole reason sheri wanted to become i choir director is, i'm convinced, so that she could listen to christmas music all year and have at least a nominal excuse.



Monday June 13, 2005 at 12:15pm random encounters, funny, rolling eyes Comments (2) »

ok, i have just lost SO much faith in the collective intelligence of mankind.

I have just recieved a phone call. It went something like this:

me (answers phone): "hello?"
woman: "hello...uhm, is this the mobile home park?"
me: "no, i think you have the wrong number"
woman: "well, is this 929-9105?"
me: "ah, no, this is 926-9105, you accidentally dialed the wrong number."
woman: "well, in the book here, it says 929-9105 is the mobile home park."
me: "yeah, this is 926-9105. you want 929-9105."
woman: "so it's wrong in the book then..."
me: "no, THIS number is 926-9105. you WANT the one in the book, 929-9105."
woman: "well, do you have a number for the mobile home park then?"
me: "you know what? why don't you try the number in the book again..."
woman: "well...ok..."